All Americans deserve better. No one cares about me. I met the man who said those words while working as a bartender in the Ozark Mountains of northwest Arkansas.
No wonder so many people are single. A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person. And I thought, Oy. This is how many people approach a relationship.
Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation based on physical and emotional attraction that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.
The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: The word "goodness" may surprise you. But in her study of real-life successful marriages The Good Marriage: What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others.
God created us to see ourselves as good hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings. So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent all of which count for something may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.
You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person and everyone has some. I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all.
This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love. But seeing goodness is the beginning. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.
Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated.
At the end of the conversation, her mother said, "Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David. The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most.
For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka charity will get you there.
While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love. True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements.
The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs. The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is.
You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her. Opening Yourself to Others The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.
The more you give, the more you love. Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem.
Today we have a warm relationship. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation.
These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other.
Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse.I for one think this is a great change, and a brilliant post.
Absolutely, less time delightedly exploring still more abstruse mistake-theory-legible problems (although these are fun and the theory that total unity is possible feels good) in favor of more time spent on projects such as, “which candidates are really fighting for the people vs.
just astroturfed shills” hear hear! Free humanities papers, essays, and research papers.
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